Am I Sleeping With the Enemy Section 1

The next few posts are for those reading the manuscript Am I Sleeping With the Enemy? This spot will be open for you to comment, offer criticisms, or suggest changes to section 1 of the work.

Thanks,
Ron Clark

Diversity

Diversity

I always thougth diversity just happened.

I always thought that diversity was easy.

I always thought that diversity was someone else's job.

I knew that diversity is beautiful.
I knew that diversity is a sign of Christ.

I knew that diveristy fires us up.

I didn't know that diversity is intentional.

I didn't know that diversity is easiest when we start over.

I didn't know that diveristy means we change who we are.

Then I watched our praise team Sunday morning.

I realized that diversity is a gift of God.

How wonderful it is to preach for a church that is reflecting the diversity of our city.

How wonderful it is to be in a church that is more like our children's culture than mine.

How wonderful it is to have the chance to start over.

One Down Two to Go

This month Freeing the Oppressed was released as I put the finishing touches on my second manuscript and began editing my third. While I actually hate writing I have found that it seems to be the best way to communicate with a larger audience concerning God’s will and work in this world (that is why we do a newsletter). I signed three contracts with a publisher in January to publish these books by the end of the year (what in the world was I thinking?) and published three separate articles in journals. While this is difficult for me something has been driving me to speak out both verbally and on paper. I am reminded of Jeremiah’s haunting words that he cannot hold God’s word inside, it is a “fire in my bones” (Jer. 20:9). I have also found something productive to do during those occasional nights of insomnia that come with middle age. I hear that old people don’t need much sleep. I wonder what I will write if I make it to 90!

Freeing the Oppressed is my second book on domestic violence. My first was published in 2005 and since then 1 in 4 women continue to be physically assaulted each year, 1 in 6 males have been molested each year, and 3 million children per year witness a traumatic event each year. 1 in 5 women become victims of dating violence each year, and an equal number are sexually assaulted each year. Even worse, the church still continues to turn their heads to domestic violence and abuse—each year. I continue to hear stories from victims of abuse concerning how their churches rally around the perpetrator and, in many cases, believe the oppressor rather than the victims. I personally know of 5 churches in my fellowship who, over the years I have been here, have not addressed the issue of an older male inappropriately touching a younger male. The victims end up leaving the church while the offender goes unchecked.

The past few months we have also become aware of a shocking statistic that Portland has one of the highest underage prostitution rates and highest amount of strip clubs per capita as compared to other US cities. Even more Pimp is seen in a positive light (Positive Individual Making a Profit) or as a funny term such as “Pimp my ride” or “Playing the Pimp.” I know that this Halloween the “Pimp and Ho” costumes will be a favorite among kids and adults.

September has been a month to prepare for October (Domestic Violence Awareness Month). Already we have done trainings in Portland, spoken in Memphis, and are working with the public schools to address sex trafficking. More talks will be given in October in Atlanta and Portland State University, abuse groups will grow and reach out in our recovery ministry, people will be trained to address trafficking, and many will heal from their pain and abuse.

In addition to this Lori and I will rejoice that we have a staff that is fully committed to addressing abuse in all of its forms and giving their lives to Freeing the Oppressed. We are also excited to be leading a church that is equally as passionate about confronting abuse and validating those who have been hurt.

Who Should a New Church Target?

This morning we met at Agape and had a service/worship.


What is service/worship? Lincoln High School has given us a plot to care for. We chose to worship by working together to clean the school. It was a lot of hard work. We had communion afterward and talked about how we saw God working.

• I was surprised at who showed up.
• I was also amazed at who chose not to show up.
• Actually, now that I think about it I'm not surprised at who showed up.

It is interesting. This week I shared with people what we were doing Sunday. I've had a lot of conversations with people, mostly those in the community, and shared with them what we were going to do today. The responses amazed me.


People who go to church:

• "Why would you do that?"
• "Why are you dismissing services?"
• "Is there any need to come?"

People who don't usually go to church:

• "That's cool, it's good to see a church doing that."
• "Wow, I can't believe a church would actually do this."
• "Thanks for doing this, more people should care about others."

Now I know why we target people who don't usually go to church.

We had 5 visitors. They stayed to help. One of the couples was from out of town. They went to the hotel, changed their clothes, and came and served with us. They joined us for communion.

I understand why Jesus said what he said in Matt. 12:41.

Blown Away by the Church Where I Serve

Sunday morning was a very powerful Sunday. Elsie came with her boyfriend and mother as we greeted them with hugs. You see, the Monday before her 7 month old baby, Christopher, had died due to SIDS. Elsie had been homeless, moved to Dignity Village, and finally was able to leave and get her own apartment. She had never done drugs, and loved her new baby. She had been a regular at Agape and we all loved Elsie, Christopher, her mom Cindy, and many friends she brought to church. This death had hurt all of us.

For so long it has been somehow understood that if we suffer loss we do not go to church. Over my 20+ years in ministry it seemed common that people need not come to church on Sunday's if there has been a death. Surprisingly Elsie showed up with her family. She held a couple other babies, cried when we showed Christopher's picture and announced the funeral, and let people hug her and weep with her. Her mother Cindy stood up during the time of testimony to share how much they loved this church. She also shared that their community Dignity Village, and the people at Satruday Market were collecting money to pay for the funeral. She shared how the families were coming together to help and how she saw God working. Everyone in the assembly was touched. I wondered how many people, over the past 20+ years, have missed the opportunity to let their church support them because they stayed home during their loss.

Even more, I looked over the group and saw how many of our people, a year ago, would have judged this family. How many of them by ignoring the homeless would have never known how their friends and community have supported them. How many of them would have cared less about the loss we all face--and that we use the word "we" to describe our feelings. I was moved by the heart of all at Agape. You might say I was blown away by their love and how many people have become people of agape.

Marc, our campus minister, preached and I got to sing with the praise team. Yet, I heard veery few (if any) comments about either. I heard comments about "what happened that morning," or "the worship," but they had little to do with what we normal consider as "the worship." I believe that they had more to do with the community and the feeling of support and love we all felt.

It's nice to be blown away by our churches--especially when they show the love that is missing in our world today. Especially when they show love to the people our communities neglect every day of the week.

Reflections on Being A Dad

Today is my son's 17th birthday. What a joy it has been to see him grow in our home.

However, this post is probably more about me than him, and I guess I should begin by stating that. You can read on if you want, however as parents we do self reflection on our kids' important days at times.

I had a dad who was emotionally distant and didn't connect well with me or my brother. He was an atheist and had been a B-52 pilot in the Airforce. He was physically abused as a kid and I think in light of that he did a good job. However, he never missed our birthdays (except when he did a tour in Vietnam). He was at least present. Of course, as usuall I took my toys and went off to play with my friends. Didn't interact with him much. I always wondered if he felt it was a waste of his time to sacrifice a day to see me maybe 1 hour.

I guess I figured in my attempts to be a better dad and as a Christian, that was the least I could do.

I've so far been able to maintain that tradition. I think over the years that it wasn't hard. It is the right thing to do but I've met a lot of men who admit to not being consistent in their families.

Nathan's birthday comes in August when there are opportunities to speak at Family conferences. I remember last year backing out of a conference because they scheduled me to speak on his birthday, when I specifically said I would return home the night before. The secretary said, "Sorry, you'll have to miss," the director said, "No, we will change the date for you." It worked out. I actually met men at the conference who shared that they had missed their kid's birthday for a conference in the past. When I was working on my doctorate I missed the first day of a couple classes because I wanted to be there for his birthday. It really was a sacrifice and I had to work my tail off to catch up. Well--no more of a sacrifice than my dad was willing to make for me.

Hunter's birthday comes during one of the biggest national Biblical Scholar's conferences in the country. I make it 4 out of 8 years. I enjoy the conference. I also have many men tell me that they miss their kid's birthdays for the conference.

Caleb's comes one week after Lori's birthday, so there's never been a problem. Course, he's only four. I wonder what is coming down the pike.

It may seem like I am bragging and I don't mean to. I guess blogs are the place to talk about ourselves. I think how easy it is to say yes to speaking engagements. How easy it is to manipulate our kids and spouses by telling them "this is important," or by saying, "I'll make it up to you by doing..."

However, I wonder if it is ever really worth the sacrifice. Jesus said, "What good will it be for a someone if they gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can a one give in exchange for their soul?" (Matt. 16:26) I wonder what would happen if we substituted family for sour (maybe made it plural instead of singular)?

Would it ever be worth the sacrifice?

Its not been that hard to say no the more I have done it. In actuality, I am fine and the opportunity to speak has always come around at a better and more convenient time. Even more, I have not ever wrestled with guilt when I have been gone and am preparing to speak or listen.

While this is self reflection I am hoping that some of you will at least take this to heart. Maybe your dad or parents weren't there for your special days. It doesn't matter that you understood (or were expected to understand). How did you feel? How would you have felt if they would have been there?

Maybe you have been there and are struggling to "be there." I hope this helps you. I hope you ask yourself and your families if it has been worth it. I hope you see what you have been missing.

You can change the future. You can be there. You can start a new tradition. Your kids will never criticize you for being there.

No one has left this life regretting being there for their families!

A Day In Ministry With a Shadow

Interesting day of ministry. I had a 16 yr old shadowing. It was my son, he was being punished and had to go with me today. His experience of ministry:

1. A no show--so we visited and looked around Powell's Bookstore.

2. Some street kids who visited Sunday. Had lunch with them. Two went in the bathroom to shoot up because they had a bad heroin addiction. We talked to the females about boundaries, being safe, and sex trafficking.

3. A guy whose been visiting Agape who is from the Virgin Islands. We sat at Pioneer Square Starbucks, listened to a band, and stayed in the shade.

4. Had ice cream with one of the Agape guys recovering from surgery. Then took him home and talked about family counseling with his family and how to develop certain skills.

On the way home from the MAX we "processed the day." Nathan said it really wasn't a punishment, he enjoyed it.

If he ever chooses ministry I hope he remembers that this is what its about. If not, I hope he goes to a church where the minister lives this out.